Court #1- Formal Charges, High Emotions & Wrog Days

Justice for Nancy: Court #1- Formal Charges, High Emotions & Wrong Days

Sitting in the open court room, watching the faces and attorneys smiling and joking with each other. This was no joke for me. For us. Everybody that filed through the side door, wearing an orange jump suit, I held my breath to see. I held my breath first to see what skin color their arm was. I was looking for dingy-white. I held my breath to then see if they were male or female. We needed an ugly, dark haired male. I held my breath seeing someone from a friend’s past that pretty much ruined their life. (Never fear, we gave her the wonky eye, too.) I held my breath realizing a man I thought looked like a struggling soul, was really facing charges on child molestation. I exhaled, finally. These were our cities finest, and we were waiting for one specific waste of a human to show. Then word comes that he won’t be in court today…… Sigh.

By now, you may have seen the news article on this case, but if you haven’t, here it is. This case has affected my family members in ways I wasn’t sure possible. I’ve seen the most passionate, strong people break into pieces in front of me. Turmoil keeps rearing its ugly head in the most unneeded places, all because we’re all stuck. Stuck and shattered. I can’t tell you the emotion that is flowing through me after a night like last night, but I know most of my family members are in the same place.

This case has been slow to hit the media, first hitting the Journal Gazette last Saturday morning. So, last night when it hit the news station, I was happy at first…. Until the reporter decided to air the interview not about the victim, but more about the stupid ass criminal (who is indeed in jail, btw, charged with 2 Class A Felonies, and 1 Class B Felony). After combating “idiotic statements” from the public all day, watching that at 11pm enraged me. I spent the night responding to the same idiots, reading more bullshit from this “poor, misguided, blaming-society, ‘not-my-bro, brah’” criminals’ family, and wondering if my Grandma would ever really recover from this.

Now I sit here, all geared up again….waiting for something. That something is essentially everything, and my brain doesn’t know what to do. It’s wanting to be with my kids, to make up for the times I’ll miss out on in upcoming court dates, and the times I’ve missed spending at the hospital. It’s wanting to protect and be with my Grandma, from any and all drama, regardless of its form. It’s wanting to not be closed off from people and emotion, but my self-protect mode just won’t allow it. It’s wanting to make sure that my dear mother has what she needs to carry on. It’s wanting to set every wrong record straight. It’s wanting to react with violence. It’s wanting to bitch slap uncaring “friends”, who we have strongly supported before. Its sadness, anger, rage, guilt, wonder, revenge, hope, thought, prayer, control, and love. It’s wanting to wake up from this nightmare. It’s wanting justice so bad, that I can taste it. We all taste it, and it’s horrid.

Tomorrow, we’ll go back to the court house, and try again. We’ve heard he should be on the docket. Bet your sweet ass we’ll hold the front row of seats down again, beating down all of our own negative emotions.