Justice for Nancy: Dear Zach, #1
There’s no denying that right now, my heart is full of a billion emotions. My heart hurts for so many reasons right now. Spending too much time revisiting much about the case sets me off in a moment. My blood has been boiling even hotter than normal since trial. I won’t lie….I’ve got hate in my heart. On the flip side, and before people start messaging me about my sanity, rest assured I’ve got a LOT of happy, too. In no way does my anger towards this monster interfere with much, but for when I’m faced with what he’s done. Well, today this anger was pushed in my face again while visiting Nancy. So, I thought I’d make this letter an open one. One that’s permanently on record.
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Dear Zach,
I hope this letter finds you well, still with bodily function, and vision. I hope your first holiday season with all of your new roommates was truly special. Maybe even a little enlightening. I hope your family had the pleasure of hearing your voice, and seeing your face- even if it through glass. And I hope you know how lucky that is. I hope that you get to have a few pictures on your wall to make your “room” really cozy.
I visited my Grandma today, in her tiny 4-walled prison. She lay peacefully as she could, being that she can no longer move on her own; eat on her own; bathe on her own; use the bathroom on her own; call her friend on the phone, or even watch television. (But, I bet you’re still doing most all of that, huh?) My kids can no longer play games with her, or cards like they played with her at the beginning of this year. In fact, the kids can’t even regularly visit because her moods are too unpredictable, and she often ends up screaming or talking about things that she herself would find offensive, and would never EVER mention. All that aside, she does the best she can with what you left her with… which wasn’t much.
The worst part for me, Zach, is how every time I look at her face, I have flashbacks to the night of your brutal attack, when I was with her at the hospital. The instant picture I get shows me how you mauled her, and a vivid image of the dark red dried blood, and the fresh red oozing-out-of-every-orifice blood. I remember telling her what seemed like thousands of times that none of it was her fault. I held the bucket while she vomited blood, and sobbed. I tried so hard to let her feel love and comfort….but I knew it wasn’t working. I hope that image is burned into your tiny mind, even now. We all noticed how you turned away from Judge Gull in court when she made you look at the pictures of your handy work. I think it’s very telling how you couldn’t bear to see what you had done, yet her children, grandchildren, friends and nursing staff all have to see and KNOW what you did. Every. Day. We have no choice. (But yet you still have choices…) She has no choices… (And you get outdoor playtime.)
You’ve changed so many lives- and for what? I really hope those drugs were worth it. I hope prison is teaching you all sorts of fancy things, and that “pegging” is a new word in your vocabulary. I hope that your nights are lonely, and you cry yourself to sleep thinking of the things you’re missing. I hope showering makes you cringe. I hope you drop the soap. I hope you lose your library time, and any outdoor time is lost. I do hope that you lift weight at every opportunity… I heard muscle-y guys get all the good prison friends. I hope those pictures on your wall bring you dreams that you won’t be able to reach for 70 years.
For the rest of your life, karma will be waiting for you, and anyone who supported your bad decision. Oh, I’ll be waiting with her, too….always giving a voice to the truth, and Justice for Nancy. I wish you the best in 2015!!
Happy New Year!
