Justice for Nancy: The First Anniversary
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“Time’s priceless, yet it costs us nothing. We could do anything we want with it, but own it. You can spend it, but you can’t keep it. And once you’ve lost it, there’s no getting it back. It’s just gone.”
I’ve re-written this blog post more than any other, ever. It’s almost an unreal feeling that this was all happening to her last year at this time. One year ago we were sitting a hospital waiting to hear if her facial surgeries had been successful. We were still hoping that the eye surgeries would help correct the blindness, and we all desperately hung on to those little shards of hope. One year since the first update on the case for Justice for Nancy, my Grandma.
We’re now resigned to the fact that my Grandma is 100% blind. We’ve adjusted to life’s ugly truth that for her, she’ll spend her last years in a tiny four walled room, crying out for whoever is close enough to provide her some comfort in her continuous state of delirium. She’ll worry about things that she hasn’t done in over a year, and people & things she thinks she “sees.” She’ll have moments of clarity mixed in with terror-filled crying, sadness, doubt, mistrust, depression and delusion. Her physical-self is trapped in a bed, or wheelchair. Her mental self is trapped in almost a time warp…where the years seem to jump around, and old memories seem like reality to her.
And, of course, because I have this wonderment and morbid curiosity… I couldn’t help but wonder what the infamous elderly beater Zachery Doan was up to in prison. Truth be told, I hope the loneliness is torture. I wondered if he was sitting in his cell, thinking about what he was doing a year ago this week. I wonder if he thinks about what he should have done, and not done. I wonder if he has nightmares. I wonder if he yet understands what he took from her, and from all of us. I wonder if those pictures of her bloodied face trigger night sweats and terrors. I wonder if he’s gotten a “special” friend yet, and being that I’m honest- I sort of hope he has. Then reality punched me in the face—He doesn’t give a shit!! He’s got hot meals, television, telephones, accounts to hold money so he can buy “extras,” time with his family…..and the ability to just push this all away for 69 more years. *insert long, angry sigh here*
And then we’re back to square one. The sinking feelings that come up if we dwell on things too long is unspeakable. Regardless of the feelings- and let me be clear that there are many, we’ll continue to visit her, and try to give her moments of life, love, and hope. We’ll try our best to keep our emotions in check, and be there when she truly needs us to be. Because that’s what she’d of done for all of us. Her ability to give freely was taken away from her, but her giving legacy will live on.
Thank you for your continued support, prayers, and helping to keep the word out about this criminal, and this violent crime. Justice for Nancy.
(I really wanted to tell you how I replayed her description of the attack, the first hours at the hospital, and the subsequent days over and over in my head for a week. I want to tell you that it’s been a huge distraction for days. I really, really wanted to lay into that sick, hideous piece of trash that did this. That caused this. But I won’t. I’ll use restraint. Know what that word means yet, Doan?)
