The Quiet Hum of the Past, Shadows, & Walking into the Lion’s Den…
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Do you know what I’m talking about? I’m sure that some of you do. Others of you may think that you know about this quiet hum, but in truth, you’ll never truly know. It’s the silence that overcomes you if you let your head fall too far back. It’s the numb that comes with the mere memories of some of your best moments from the past. It’s the thoughts of the bad decisions you made, and all of the what if’s that come along with it. It’s the dreams that wake you up every night, with a different “possibility.”
This isn’t a restful hum, or one that can be ignored. This hum sticks in your brain forever. This is, however, a hum that can be learned to live with, and grow from. This is the hum that some of us learn so much from, and that of which shapes our life’s choice, and decisions. The hum reminds you constantly what you don’t want. In some cases, this hum is really a person. An elusive shadow, lingering everywhere you don’t want him to.
There’s always a shadow in the corner. He’s always pointing out my flaws, and everything I’ve ever done incorrectly. No matter how tightly I close my eyes, he always reappears, with that goddamn joker smile. I know others see the shadow, too, but he’s not touched your lives the way he’s touched mine. He’s not left the unchangeable, permanent reminders of himself scattered through your memories. You weren’t his. He wasn’t your best friend, turned lover, turned owner, turned stalker, turned attempted life ruin-er.
I’m walking straight into the lion’s den this week, and I’m not sure at this point how I’ll fare. It’s odd knowing that some of my villains were based off of this enigmatic shadow in my life, but satisfying to have finally gotten it all out. Certain people will never know what this has done to my already tired, beaten, and stressed out brain. But I know there will be one person who relishes on this chance encounter more than he should.
To you, dear shadow… I’ll be ready. Unwillingly yours, as always.
Skye
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